Alternate
by sinemoras09
Summary: In another universe, Doofus Rick marries Diane. AU. Gen. No spoilers.


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In another universe, there's a Diane who doesn't know that the awkward, gangly man with the buck teeth and bowl cut has a crush on her.

That Diane has no idea - the man is too embarrassed, too self-conscious to say anything. They pass each other in the coffee shop, and there's whispers about him, that he's a genius and secretly brilliant, but whenever she glances up at him, he quickly averts his eyes.

This Diane decides to talk to him.

xXx

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_Funny-looking_ is a mean descriptor, but it's the first thing that pops in Diane's mind when she looks at him. He's all long limbs and awkward angles, his body bony and frighteningly thin beneath a dingy lab coat and rumpled shirt. He's too busy with his experiments to go to the barber, only occasionally shaving through the messy ends with a pair of clippers, and his buck teeth are stained yellow from countless cups of midnight coffee while trying to stay awake.

"Which eye is your good eye?" she asks him, because unlike the other Dianes in other universes, she's forward and direct, and she knows the lazy eye bothers him.

"My right one," he says. He touches his face self-consciously.

"I'll look at your right one, then," she says, and focuses her gaze accordingly.

He's shy. He keeps his mouth closed when he smiles, looking at his hands, fidgeting nervously. His knee bounces when he's anxious, and for all his genius, he can't speak without stuttering awkwardly.

"I like you," Diane says, because this Diane understands this Rick won't make the first move, this Rick needs to be gently coaxed.

xXx

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This Diane leans forward for their first kiss.

It's a nice kiss. She feels his soft, dry lips press hesitantly against hers, and she kisses him softly, leaning in to nudge her head closer while she smiles against his lips.

He breaks out into a huge grin, beaming happily at her as she holds him. Diane grins and cups his face, fanning her thumb against the side of his cheek.

She giggles. They press their foreheads together as a young Doofus Rick laughs softly, giddy with the realization that his Diane really does like him. He's cute when he laughs and Diane stands up on her tiptoes to kiss him again, pulling him down to meet her height and smiling while they kiss.

(It's his first time when they make love, and as they breathe and sigh and cling to each other, he tells her, "Gosh, Diane, y-you're so pretty." He kisses her deeply and slides up inside her. "You're so, so pretty, Diane.")

xXx

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When they hold hands, she'll sometimes rub the pad of her thumb across his knuckles.

People stare at them, because there's this buck-tooth, bowl-headed, awkward guy with a lazy eye, holding hands with a pretty, smiling, freckled blonde. People stare harder when she's pregnant, and that goofy-looking guy grins stupidly as he strokes her belly, his face lighting up whenever he feels their daughter's kicks.

Unlike the other Ricks, this Rick is sensitive: when Beth is born, this Rick starts to cry.

xXx

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His Beth, unlike the other Beths, has a happy childhood.

This Beth has a father who doesn't leave her. This Beth has a mother who loves her father. This Beth has a family who laughs together, plays stupid board games and eats dinner together.

This Beth still has a Froopyland, but unlike the other Beths, this Beth's father goes in there with her.

xXx

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This Beth still gets pregnant by an older boy named Jerry.

Doofus Rick stands, at a loss, while his daughter sniffs and stands hunched in front of him, holding her arm across her chest and not looking at him. "I'm sorry, Dad," she says, and greasy tears roll down her face, which is red and blotchy. "I'm really, really sorry."

"I-it's okay," Doofus Rick says, and he kneels in front of her. "It's okay, Beth, w-we'll take care of this together. Whatever you want to do, sweetie, we'll always love you. It's gonna be okay." And Beth bursts into tears because she's always loved her father.

xXx

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Like all the other Dianes, his Diane dies, suddenly and tragically.

He moves in with his daughter, because his house has too many memories, and because his Beth can't stand the thought of her father being all alone.

xXx

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He's sitting at the kitchen table, with Jerry and Beth and Summer and Morty, and they're talking and laughing and eating pancakes when suddenly a portal opens in the wall.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?" Another Doofus Rick steps out to meet him. "Gosh, I-I didn't mean to interrupt your breakfast. I-I'm Rick J-19-Zeta-7. A-are you Rick J-19-Omega-12?"

"Y-yeah, I am," he says, smiling. He stands up to greet him. "Hi." His family looks up at him quizzically but he smiles reassuringly.

He goes over to shake the other Rick's hand.

xXx

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The other Doofus Rick looks just like him. Same bowl cut, same buck teeth. Even the lazy eye drifts at an angle just like his.

Zeta-7 just wants to talk, and so this Rick nods and motions for him to come with him, they can have some privacy in his laboratory.

"So, y-you're not part of the Citadel?" Zeta-7 looks around, looks at the family photos hanging up on the wall.

"No need. I-I don't travel off-world and I don't visit other dimensions. I'm busy enough with my research."

"Cancer research?" Zeta-7 asks, and Omega-12 nods.

"Me too!" Zeta-7 says, and his face splits into a grin. "Did you, did you discover a cure yet?"

"I-I'm working on it. I think I'm getting closer to it."

"You know, i-if you induce the NAT transporter in the herpes virus, y-you can increase the efficacy of the oncolytic."

"Really?" Omega-12 says, and Zeta-7 nods enthusiastically. "Gosh, that's brilliant. H-h-how did I never think of that?"

"W-well. I have nothing better to do. I-I never had a family, so I spend most of my time in the lab."

Omega-12 blinks. Unlike Omega-12, Zeta-7 never married. He never had a Beth and he didn't have a Morty.

"Sounds lonely," Omega-12 says, and Zeta-7 nods, quietly.

"I just...I just wanted to see," Zeta-7 says. He looks at his hands, quietly. "I just wanted to see what it'd be like if I had a family."

Zeta-7 looks up, and Omega-12 can see his eyes are shining. Omega-12 smiles at him sadly.

The other Ricks in the Central Finite Curve weren't like them. The other Ricks were angry and acerbic, the Citadel filled with a whole city of them. "There aren't many of us J-19s," Zeta-7 says. Omega-12 nods, knowingly.

"H-hey man," Omega-12 says, as Zeta-7 starts to stand. "I-if you ever want to come and visit, you know. You're more than welcome to join me and my family."

"Thanks, Omega-12," Zeta-7 says, and he shoots a portal. "It's good to know I've got you and C-137's Jerry."

The portal winks shut. Omega-12 walks up the stairs back to the kitchen, then quietly shuts the door behind him.


End file.
